One of the greatest challenges, and inhibitors, to building a high trust and engaging relationship with your team is time. And this is for two key reasons:
1. Relationships Develop Naturally
When have you ever experienced a moment in your life when you've said to yourself, "I need to build trust with this person in one month" - or something like that? Probably never. And for good reason too. Relationships evolve over time; sure they follow a set of steps in the way they develop, but there is no timeframe attached. In fact if you have ever tried to force the development of trust, or have been on the receiving end of someone trying to force the development of trust, you've probably taken longer to get there, or not gotten there at all. When we accept that leadership in a team commences in a place of Unconditional Leadership, a time in the relationship when we are responsible for building rapport and creating a deep sense of recognition in the hearts and minds of our people, we accept that each relationship will take a different course and require slightly different needs to help it develop.
2. Timeframes and Relationships Don't Mix
The minute we attach a timeframe to the idea of achieving an engaging and high trust relationship with someone is the minute we put artificial, and irrational expectations on our shoulders to achieve something that may actually be impossible to achieve. Yet organisations do this with their 18 month employee engagement survey cycles...they are effectively saying that you need to have built an engaging relationship with your team by the time a survey period starts. This can force leaders to push through the early stages of relationship development and leap straight into the high trust stage of the relationship where the expectation is that our team members will just open up and be vulnerable. But who's going to do that with someone they don't know? We don't just do that unless there is a pre-existing relationship and we feel safe enough to do this.
So, in short, if you want to develop healthy relationships with your team remove timeframes (they are really time barriers), and invest the time in establishing a rapport with each team member in ways that acknowledge who they and at what point they are starting the relationship.
Want to learn how to be an engaging leader? Take our 12 week Lead2Engage Inner Circle course and start your journey toward more meaningful and authentic leadership. Click here for more information...L2E Inner Circle
Author: David Morley
David is a developer of global-minded leaders, teams and organisations.
There are plenty of times at work (and in life) when we want to gain the cooperation, buy in or consensus of those around us; whether they be a manager, colleagues or an employee. So what’s the easy answer? Well, in my experience there is no easy or perfect answer; but I have encountered a couple of methods that tend to bear fruit
Is it me or is it you?
If you are continually struggling to build a relationship or gain the collaboration you are looking for, perhaps it’s time to take a step back and do a simple 'is it me or is it you' analysis that will provide you with enough information to decide a way forward.
Is it Me?
The best way to see a different result in others is for you to change your behaviour, and possibly your way of thinking, first. Make this your first port of call when trying to get a different result in your relationships with others. Look at what you can be doing differently. Ask yourself “Is it my style, tone of voice, body language or the words I’m using?”. And remember if you don’t believe what you are saying, your body language will be a dead give away! At the same time, the old saying ‘do as I say and not as I do’ comes into play here as well. Are you asking others to do something that you wouldn’t do yourself? This too becomes evident quite quickly...so choose your words and actions wisely!
Is it Them?
Once considering your behaviour, and if you are still not getting the buy-in you are looking for then perhaps it’s time to consider whether the people you are engaging have either the desire or the capability to do what you are asking. Look for signs that let you know whether it is desire...or lack of desire! Do they look disinterested or unmotivated at the thought of what you are asking them to do or buy-in to? The easiest way to confirm your suspicions is to ask them. Other signs are that they are late or don’t show up to meetings on the topic or say that they are interested, but when you delegate there is always a reason whey they can’t help out. If it's lack of desire on the topic that's getting in the way then your strategy should be geared around ways to involve them, or empower them to take the lead on the subject. When it's an attitude thing all you can really do is provide opportunities for them to see that what you are asking them to be involved with really isn't so bad. However if what you are looking for cooperation for really is unexciting, then you may have to accept that you will have to step up in terms of engaging leadership and find ways to try and make it interesting...and be honest with them from the outset about the banality of the issue and not make it out to be something it's not.
On the other hand, if they insist that they are ok with what you are proposing then perhaps it’s an issue of capability...do they have the skills or experience to do what you’ve asked them to do? Are they out of their depth? This can impact on desire as well. Engage them in a conversation on the topic, ask technical questions and involve them so that you can determine the level of knowledge they have on the topic. It’s easy to presume that others have the skills and knowledge required...and hard when everyone realises too late that they don’t. If it is skills then it's easy to organise opportunities for development or experience; whether it be training, coaching or shadowing on the job.
Channel not Change
If the person you are looking to get buy in or collaboration from is openly resistant that’s a great start...after all if they are passively aggressive you usually don’t know it until it’s too late that they aren’t happy or really don’t buy in to what you are promoting. But if they are acting out with energy then you know what their position is, and you can do something about it. With these people I find that a more effective strategy is to channel the energy...something you can’t do with more passive behaviours. Involve them in the discussion regarding a solution, remembering that when questions are asked this doesn't mean they are against the idea or don't want to help. They may just be trying to make sense of what you've asked of them. But even if there does seem to be an active resistance, at least you know it, and you can therefore work with it. This is your chance to engage them and channel their energy toward a solution rather than do what everyone else does and push them away or disagree with their position (which reinforces, and in their mind justifies, their rebellious behaviour).
And finally...the Empathy Factor
These are just a few ideas for increasing your chances of collaboration or buy-in that have worked for me over the years. However the most important element that underpins all of these suggestions is very simple. When looking to gain the support or cooperation of others, approach them in a way that you would like to be approached. Don't just tell them what you want; give a why. And allow the opportunity to save face if you are seeking cooperation to a change that impacts them personally. After all, sometimes it’s hard to change our way of thinking over night, and some behaviours are deeply ingrained and gained from years of being the accepted way of doing something. The more you allow the opportunity for buy-in to your message in a way that protects sense of self, the more you improve your chances of collaboration or buy-in.