One of the greatest challenges, and inhibitors, to building a high trust and engaging relationship with your team is time.  And this is for two key reasons:

1. Relationships Develop Naturally
When have you ever experienced a moment in your life when you've said to yourself, "I need to build trust with this person in one month"  - or something like that?  Probably never.  And for good reason too.  Relationships evolve over time; sure they follow a set of steps in the way they develop, but there is no timeframe attached. In fact if you have ever tried to force the development of trust, or have been on the receiving end of someone trying to force the development of trust, you've probably taken longer to get there, or not gotten there at all.  When we accept that leadership in a team commences in a place of Unconditional Leadership, a time in the relationship when we are responsible for building rapport and creating a deep sense of recognition in the hearts and minds of our people, we accept that each relationship will take a different course and require slightly different needs to help it develop.

2. Timeframes and Relationships Don't Mix
The minute we attach a timeframe to the idea of achieving an engaging and high trust relationship with someone is the minute we put artificial, and irrational expectations on our shoulders to achieve something that may actually be impossible to achieve.  Yet organisations do this with their 18 month employee engagement survey cycles...they are effectively saying that you need to have built an engaging relationship with your team by the time a survey period starts.  This can force leaders to push through the early stages of relationship development and leap straight into the high trust stage of the relationship where the expectation is that our team members will just open up and be vulnerable. But who's going to do that with someone they don't know?  We don't just do that unless there is a pre-existing relationship and we feel safe enough to do this.  

So, in short, if you want to develop healthy relationships with your team remove timeframes (they are really time barriers), and invest the time in establishing a rapport with each team member in ways that acknowledge who they and at what point they are starting the relationship.

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These are just a few ideas for increasing your chances of collaboration or buy-in that have worked for me over the years.  However the most important element that underpins all of these suggestions is very simple.  When looking to gain the support or cooperation of others, approach them in a way that you would like to be approached.  Don't just tell them what you want; give a why.  And allow the opportunity to save face if you are seeking cooperation to a change that impacts them personally. After all, sometimes it’s hard to change our way of thinking over night, and some behaviours are deeply ingrained and gained from years of being the accepted way of doing something. The more you allow the opportunity for buy-in to your message in a way that protects sense of self, the more you improve your chances of collaboration or buy-in.

Dialogue. For many people, let alone leaders, this is a scary concept. However for a leader, dialogue is often the single most important activity that can establish your credibility, solve issues, pre-empt issues before they need solving, and bring a team closer together.  In a team that is already close, regular dialogue is a key contributor to maintaining high trust and engagement.

In the wider organisational context, dialogue can do all of the above and more, especially when deployed throughout significant change events. 

As a leader, consultant and facilitator I have been using the power of healthy dialogue as the key medium for helping:

• teams learn how to succeed together,
• countries and companies learn how to collaborate more effectively on multi-billion dollar projects, and
• leaders become more effective in building engagement.

Outside of anything I've done, there are countless examples of really good leadership where dialogue has been the main tool. One example that comes to mind was that of a regional CEO of a global pharmaceutical company who turned his poor performing executive team and business around through the use of effective dialogue. He learned very early that his regional executive team were not connected; they were not a team.  Silo's were present in his team, and this was reflected down through the organisation with poor collaboration and communication. One of his first team leadership tasks was to have the executive team meet for one hour...everyday. The purpose of the meeting was simply to talk. Sometimes there were specific topics, but mostly it was about the connection that comes with mature dialogue. In a short space of time his team went from begrudging the daily hour, to looking forward to it. This was simply due to the natural sharing, personal and professional, that occurred...everyday. Soon the silo's started to disappear, collaboration increased and natural solutions to problems started to occur.  Best of all, the team started to build a rapport and momentum that was reflected down through the organisation.

So let's take a brief look at what I mean by dialogue, and some tips based on my own experiences for how you can use dialogue as an enabler of growth.

• In its simplest form, I see dialogue as an unconditional conversation, a discourse that invites people to contribute without being judged or rescued.

 

• Before the dialogue, set the boundaries for what needs to be covered, whether it is a specific topic, or you simply want the team to connect, as in the above example. This is easy to do for traditional meetings where there is an agenda; but more critical if you want to facilitate a conversation that is more open and not as fixed.

If you want to facilitate a conversation with your team that is more exploratory in nature, like solving an issue in the team, brainstorming, teaming etc... the following guidelines are critical.

• .At the beginning of the conversation, confirm with participants that they understand the scope of the conversation. It's like an unwritten, psychological, contract. 

 

• Let the conversation go where it needs to go. If you have set the boundaries this is easier to manage. 

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• If there is no fixed agenda, and the meeting is for the purpose of building team trust and connection, then you will need to set the example for contributing. People naturally like structure, and are used to having a meeting agenda. When you think about it, an agenda is easy to hide behind. It gives a reason for people to contribute, but more importantly if your name is not listed, or you don't know the topic, it is easier to remain hidden. With no agenda there is no room to hide, and the room isn't so safe after all. In lieu of this, acknowledge that you will need to ensure each participant feels welcomed and acknowledged for being present, to make up for the perceived lack of structure and safety. 

 

• As the facilitator, don't rescue, finish sentences or discount the contributions of others. Make these rules clear for the participants as well. It's not always easy to do these things; however any effort made in these areas will encourage more open contributions. Importantly, you are inviting all members of the conversation to transact in a mature way, and you stand a better chance of leaving the political and psychological games at the door. 

 

• Use dialogue tactically...and sensibly. You don't have to go it alone as a leader. When you want a solution to a problem a quick focused team conversation can do the trick. When you sense there is an issue in the team, again, use the power of the team to contribute to the solution. When morale is down, or the team is stretched or tired during a busy time, a timely conversation can allow for constructive venting, as well as a chance to reflect, look forward and if needed, laugh! For many years now, in the teams I've lead, I have found that a simple weekly catch up, with no fixed agenda (unless there was something important to be addressed) is a great way to build trust amongst the team and maintain momentum in tough times. 

My final thought with regards to dialogue relates to you; the leader. To use dialogue constructively you have to trust yourself as much as your team. Why? Because the agenda is unknown, and driven by the group. This can be seen as giving up the 'power' that comes with being a leader. The only thing you are controlling is the flow of conversation, and working with the energy in the room. 

The risk with using this approach is potentially high, simply because it isn't what people are used to, and everyone is invited to be 'present' to the conversation in a largely non-traditional and non-structured way. And as mentioned above, the leader or facilitator, takes a slightly different approach to leading the meeting. 

Having said that, the risks may be high, but so are the rewards. 

One of the single biggest contributors to successful matrix leadership is conduit management.  Yet, despite the positive impact of conduit management, it tends only to be a way of working that is taken for granted by those for whom it comes naturally.  For most matrix leaders, conduit management tends to be an afterthought or not thought of at all! 

So what is conduit management? ​

To understand the role of conduit management, lets consider a recent scenario we observed in a large manufacturing firm. The national head of Operations was preparing for an ERP roll out across the country, including four large manufacturing sites. The single biggest issue he faced was the conflicting opinions held by his two managers:

• The country head, also his line manager, felt that it was the wrong product and also disagreed with the timing and approach proposed by the global project team. 

 

• On the other hand his functional manager, the regional head of operations, agreed with the proposed ERP and the aggressive timetable proposed by the global project team. 

This is a big example; yet it is the sort of scenario we see played out on many levels.  The fact remained though, that irrespective of whether the two managers could find common ground, the roll out would still occur.  The other more difficult reality was that if his direct reports or the wider manufacturing workforce caught on that there was a difference of opinion at senior levels of the organisation, this could add greater complexity to an already arduous roll out that had involved internal politics and a long  tiresome process of ERP selection. 

If we look at this type of situation through a conduit management lens, what sort of actions can help to  decongest the pipeline and assist the matrix leader with providing a single and focussed message to the workforce?

The first step is to seek alignment, or a common position between your managers.  Ideally this is done face to face, or at worst, in a single conversation over the phone or online.  It allows for a dialogue on the topic and for your managers to hear your perspective.  Don’t be surprised if you find that there has been little to no dialogue between your managers on the topic!

If your managers can’t find common ground, then seek to establish an agreement for moving forward.  This is a simple facilitated meeting that results in a contract between you and your managers, that explicitly states the following:

• That there is a shared understanding of the end game – irrespective of your individual perspectives on the situation

• How your managers will support you in the process 

• An agreed process for how you will communicate and share information with each other throughout the process - in other words setting each other up for success.

If you can achieve either of the above outcomes, you’ve gone a long way towards setting up an easier to manage conduit between those above you, and the people who look to you for key messages.  Importantly, it also reduces the impact and instances of gossip that tend to blossom in the chasm of differing opinions.

Conduit management is also about how you lead in a matrix on a daily basis.  Naturally it comes to the foreground in times of change, however effective conduit management can contribute to the development of your leadership tool kit in other ways:

It helps develop critical thinking and decision-making skills. You will receive many pieces of information from those above and around you – deciding what is important to pass on, and who should receive it isn’t always easy.  Sometimes it seems easier to push it to one side and hope that it takes care of itself!  However good conduit management is about learning how to synthesise information that may contain different opinions (sometimes from the same person!) and interpret what’s really being said when making a decision on what you will pass on, and how.

It creates opportunities for communication and strengthens relationships.  The beating heart of a matrix organisation is relationships.  Relationships with your team are equally as important as those in your network and those with your own manager/s.  An effective conduit manager is on the front foot with relationships, because they understand that there is greater clarity through dialogue and free-flowing communication.  

By leveraging your network, you can anticipate where conflicting messages come from and make your own evaluation on whether they are grounded in reality or just gossip.  This will inform the way you manage the expectations of your team;  the ability to nip something in the bud by debunking an issue as idle gossip can save a lot of time down the track when the gossip may take on a life of its own!

Maintaining regular one on one’s with each of your up line managers (and as often as practical - three way conversations), will also ensure you are in the best position to anticipate, interpret and explore issues and topics with your managers in a controlled and proactive way, rather than finding yourself in the same situation as the manufacturing head in the above example; trapped and reacting.

Finally, conduit management is an understated and often unknown, leadership essential in complex organisations.  In some respects it is the bundling of a range of leadership skills and attributes that we already know, and applying them in a specific context.  Conduit management can be learned, and the ability to apply conduit management principles is often the difference between surviving and succeeding as matrix leader.
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A potent leader comes across as natural; there is a higher degree of authenticity with what they do and how they do it.  This is because for them the debate on just how much we allow ‘who’ we are to influence our work isn’t a consideration.  I often hear leaders express concern over how they work hard to keep their personal and professional lives separate, or put effort into managing the balance. Little do they realise that people engage as much with who we are as much as they do the other factors such as remuneration, rewards and the aesthetics of the workplace. Years of global engagement surveys highlight this fact; but the chances are your people aren’t reading employee engagement surveys, but they are reading you every day. 

Being natural is about having a strong sense of self; being aware of your boundaries and being comfortable with what you are prepared to share, and the extent to which you are prepared to allow ‘who’ you are to colour your professional life and leadership style.  Accompanying this is a healthy level of self-esteem and knowing that a little bit of vulnerability and openness is demonstrating that you are human; you are real!  

So how can you be more natural in your leadership approach?  The easy answer is to have the confidence to be yourself.  If this isn’t a strong point, then question the self-talk that undermines and eats away at your confidence to allow more of yourself into the role.  Chances are the self-talk is based on messages we have picked up throughout life (many that we have brought from childhood into adult life) that are irrational and probably not relevant to who you are today.  So anything you can do to raise your levels of self-awareness and learn more about what makes you tick, will go a long way.  Working with a coach who can help you connect with your values, reading or working with a mentor who is acknowledged as a natural and effective leader are all ways to help develop your style.  ​

The more natural we can be within our role, the more likely it is that we will be able to relate to others in an engaging style.  After all, people will know ‘who’ it is that they are interacting with, which makes it easier for the communication flow and for the other person to also relax and bring more of who they are into the dialogue.  When you are more relaxed with yourself, it also means you can increase your focus on the other person.  Because you aren’t so worried (consciously or unconsciously) about what the other person may be thinking of you, this means you have more energy to invest in them.  Observing their body language, looking for small cues that let you understand what they are really saying.  You are signalling that you are interested in them; in ‘who’ they are.  Leaders who relate with ease are really quite unconditional in their approach.  To relate with ease is almost always about putting who you are, and your needs, to one side and really listening.  

The impact for global leaders in this regard is significant.  The ability to read small cues and be awake to what is really being said is critical to bridging the cultural gap.  It is how we identify the cultural rituals and understand the differences that exist between us; allowing us to engage and relate with greater meaning.  More importantly though, building any relationship, intercultural or otherwise, is an extremely unconditional process, and one that requires an acknowledgement that no matter which nationalities we may be interacting with we all share the some process for how we develop relationships.  That is; we all need to go through a process of building rapport (seeking to understand ‘who’ the other person is, what their rituals are, and what is important to them), as a precursor to enjoying the natural momentum and engagement that comes with a  ell developed relationship.  ​

You will soon realise that the idea of relating with ease has less to do with you, but more to do with how you enable the other person to relate to you with ease. ​

Resilience is a must for leaders in matrix and complex environments, and in this video we explore some key ideas that can help you lead with resilience in these organisational settings.

​Watch time: 13m:00

A clip taken from our "3 Things" Webinar Series exploring the importance of Proactive Leadership in a matrix organisation, along with some practical tips for how to get started on this track with a focus on collaboration.

​Watch time: 20mins
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Updated from the original post in 2014
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At its heart, good teaming is about creating the space for a bunch of different people to build rapport – to get to know each other; their likes, dislikes, where they’ve worked before, what excites them, their personality.  All of these factors, if explored will provide your team with a level of connection that will build rapport and contribute to more effective team work.  After all, building rapport is about establishing sameness, and reducing differences.  If you can achieve this, then you will go some way to having a connected team; but you won’t have a team that has achieved a level of closeness required to perform above and beyond expectations – both for themselves and for each other.  ​

​Effective teaming goes beyond this and allows the group to connect on a values level around their reason for being. If you can create the opportunity for this to occur then you are setting both the team, and the team members up for long-term success.

​So how do you do this, especially in an era of remote working when the opportunities for coming together are limited?  Well, here's the key.  

I’ve worked with many teams and groups struggling to be effective in all sorts of situations; in matrix organisations, joint ventures, projects, leadership groups and teams spread across many countries.  And the one thing they often have in common is a lack of alignment on their purpose - their reason for being.  

What they hadn’t done when forming the team, was that critical piece of work that ultimately sets the team up for success.  They hadn’t taken the time to ask themselves the questions that help define purpose… "why are we here – what is the specific purpose of our team?"  This question is an opportunity for the team to be fully aligned around what this group has been brought together to achieve, and to be clear on the expectations that may exist of their team from other groups, such as the leadership levels above or other stakeholder groups.   ​More importantly, when working remotely if you ensure your team has a crystal clear understanding of their collective purpose, and how their roles contribute to achieving the team purpose, then you are providing some of the most fundamental aspects of employee engagement. Clear direction. Role clarity. Sense of Purpose.  In a face to face environment these are important.  In a remote environment they are critical.  

Language is symbolic, and it helps to define who we are.  When different people come together to a team, they bring with them their own language defined by who they are.  This can be defined by factors such as their race, gender, their life experiences, their knowledge and their skills.  When you bring two groups together, like a joint venture, or multiple groups in a project consortium then the variables are increased and the issue of common language extends far beyond their mother tongue or the use of technical or organisational jargon – that is merely the tip of the iceberg.

One of the greatest inhibitors to sustainable teaming are the beliefs held by individuals that they have to hold on to who they are and what defines them.  We see this more often in matrix structures, joint ventures and consortiums where more energy is invested in defending their patch rather than relaxing the boundaries and collaborating. Creating a common language is about defining how the group can work and succeed together without having to give up who they are.  This means your process needs to provide a safe way of exploring this despite the virtual environment; and this will come back to how you frame the process up front, and the demeanour and style of the process facilitator.  My suggestion is that as the leader of the team about to undertake a process of virtual teaming, that you connect with your team individually to share the intent, and your desire that they contribute as fully as they feel comfortable.  Also encourage questions on the process, the intent or the content on your team sharing platform so that there is a level of transparency and demonstrated safety that it's ok to be curious and contribute without retribution.  This of course means that you as the leader also need to be up for a bit of vulnerability and openness.

An extension of this in the 'new normal' is agreeing the best platforms that will support effective communication.  In the past it was assumed that we could just come together or have spontaneous water cooler chats.  Thought needs to go into a group commitment around the best platforms to enable their new commitment to each other.